men, football and their inability to multi-task (circa 2006)

This is my first ever blog post about football- on the opening game of the season, which I have been doing every year since. ¬†I’m not going to proofread it or even read it as I am sure I’ll want to make changes. ūüôā

Let me preface this by saying¬†I adore my husband!¬† He is mostly a fabulous “partner” in pretty much everything we do.¬† He is a wonderful dad and a great friend.¬† He’s a hard worker and a great provider.¬† He is not an overall lazy person or a slacker.¬† But, he is after all, a man.¬† Now wait, I am not a male basher!¬† But I think the overall male population does lack a certain sense of… seeing the needs of “household operations”.¬† In plain English- my husband can sit on the couch watching a sporting event or¬†playing his Xbox while the house literally crashes down around him without his knowledge!¬† Normally, I’ve gotten to where I hardly ever notice.¬† But today a friend of mine mentioned that her husband had been sitting on the couch for four hours while she felt like she needed to be doing stuff around the house.¬† It got me thinking so I was a little more sensitive to my husband’s… lounging.

Then it happened:
I was in the kitchen making tonight’s¬†dinner, along with the potato salad and baked beans that¬†HE requested for the labor day barbecue¬†HE wanted to have for HIS family.¬† All I asked is, “honey, can you entertain the kids while I cook?”¬† About a half hour later things were eerily quiet in the house.¬† I thought maybe everyone was outside so- ok, no big deal.¬† Then about 15 more minutes later- I hear “MMOOOOOMMMMMM” about 10 times, I ignored Elle thinking Jim would step in.¬† Finally I gave in.¬†I go to find that Elle is standing at the front door and¬† the baby gate is up to keep Jordan inside and Elle outside.¬† She has drawn all over the front door (luckily just with chalk) and she’s looking up at Jordan who is at the top of the stairs with about a roll of toilet paper in his mouth.¬†(he doesn’t know how to come down yet)

Where’s Jim?¬† Sitting in the chair about 3 feet from Elle, the front door, and the base of the stairs- watching TV.¬† The living roon is in between me and the kitchen- so he obviously heard Elle yelling at me.¬† Or did he???

So I risk burning the stir-fry I’m making to rescue Jordan from the top of the stairs and let Elle in the house¬†so as to prevent her from playing in traffic.¬† I put the gate up at the BOTTOM of the stairs, lock the front door, the kids go back to playing and¬†a few hours later, I am CONVINCED Jim still has no idea that any of this happened!

My friends and fellow moms all have similar stories.  Do our men not see the things around the house that need to be done like we do?  Does the dishwasher door suddenly lock when they try to open it to put their dishes in?

Have you ever been trying to get ready to leave the house and have your kids crawling all over you, trying to put on your makeup and wearing your bra on their head?¬†Then you¬†go donwstairs¬†only to¬†find their dad watching TV?¬†¬†Then¬†¬†when you finally get in the car he asks, “What took you so long?”

My favorite is this: Daddy has the kids for the morning while Mommy goes to run some errands.¬† Everything goes fine- the house is still standing when Mom gets home.¬† Then, as Mom walks in the house the whining starts from the baby.¬† Then the toddler begins to complain, “Mommy, my tummy is hungry!” Dad’s reply¬†to this is, “They haven’t made a sound all morning.¬† I don’t know why they always wait til you get home.” My answer is, “Because they know you’re not LISTENING to them!!!¬† They don’t even bother to ask for nurturing while Mom’s gone.¬† They’ve given up on you!”

To add to it- as football season is beginning I remember it only gets worse this time of year.  The networks broadcast football with a special tone that is silent to women but keeps men from hearing ANYTHING that is not a part of the game (and the slutty commercials they play throughout it.)

So- good luck to us, may we all survive the season!