Did I ever tell you about that time I had a crush on a transvestite?

Forgive me male readers, this one is a little estrogen heavy- or maybe just pervy.  Tomorrow I’ll write about football or beer… or farting.

Sometime last year {or somewhere in the distant past- I don’t know, I’m not a calendar!}  I decided to have one of those “tupperware” parties where they don’t really sell plastic resealable bowls but more things like vibrators and flavored what-nots.  It was crazy fun, especially when the “sales consultant” put a humongous suction cup dildo on the giant mirror hanging right above her head.  (Who does that??)  She then proceeded to  pass around a whole menagerie of flavored and/or mentholated [read: tingly] items that people were supposed to somehow sample.  That got a little weird for me.

Ummm… no.  I’d really rather you NOT put that on yourself right here in my living room.  Thanks.

[But seriously, I’d already had somewhere around 9 martinis so I wasn’t really complaining.]

Just buy some shit and earn me my free hostess gifts, this stuff is crazy expensive.

So at some point in the night, my recently divorced friend (in who’s honor the party was thrown because I am a kick-ass friend to have around if you need to get divorced and celebrate the fact that you just cut off 170ish pounds of dead weight)… anyway… SHE decided we should go to the local drag show.

And we couldn’t say no.  She brought a penis cake.

So we called up the local establishment that offered drag shows [read: gay bar] to make sure they were having one.  They must have heard what sounded like a bunch of 15 year-old girls that got into their mom’s stash of Boone’s Strawberry Hill in the background because they lied and told us no.

Much to their chagrin, we showed up a couple of weeks later in all our Vanilla-ness {me with my mom hair and flip flops} to see just what the Trannies have to offer.  Now, I’m no sheltered prude, but I was scared shitless.  I mean, who frequents drag shows?  (Besides Drag Queens?)   Not this girl.  But I am telling you, I developed the biggest {girl?} crush I have ever had that night!

She was decked out in Skinny Jeans, Hooker Boots and a Red Leather Bustier.  She sang {lip-synced.  whatever.}  “I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It” and for just a moment I wanted to taste her cherry chap-stick.   Then I remembered she had a penis and changed my mind.

But I did see “her” as a “him” later on that night- and he was just as hot.  Go Figure.

[Dear Gay and/or Transvestite Readers  {I’m sure there are so many of you}
Please forgive any offensive and completely ignorant comments I may have made in reference to you.   I can’t even tell you how Vanilla I am.  Remember the aforementioned Mom-Hair and Flip Flops?  That was true.
Okay.   Thanks.]

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