life lessons of a lunatic

{I’d like to apologize in advance for the wonky formatting of this post.  I tried to edit something from my iPhone and it totally screwed everything up.  If you’re the type of person to be bugged by that I’m so sorry.  And if you aren’t that type… well you probably are now.  I’m too tired to fix it.}

I’m starting to think maybe I should change the name of my blog from improperly forward to insanely formidable. I’m just a little on the coo-coo cachoo side lately, and well, I’m always difficult. 

For the past few years I’ve made a habit of looking over my year and remembering some important life lessons that I’ve learned throughout the year.  So, I’ll put my crappy little attitude aside and hopefully come out of this science experiment a bit more chipper and better for having done some self-reflection.

1) This past year started with the Hubbs and I finalizing the decision that I would quit my state job at the local community college and return home to spend more time with the kids- especially the little buddy, who was fed up with 10 hours of daycare and needing some Mommy and Me time. Unfortunately, we have to be a two income family right now, so to make that happen I decided to open a home daycare. I had no idea what the heck it would mean for me. No idea if I would like it. No idea if I would be remotely good at it. Turns out… I do, and according to the poor parents who
employ me, I am.  There are days, as with any job, that having a brood of children hanging off my every limb is a little taxing. But if I’m being honest, it completes me, a la Jerry McGuire. This isn’t my life-long career path, folks.
But it’s paying the bills while I make sure my son makes it to kindergarten and beyond as unscathed by sub-par daycare workers and pre-school teachers as possible. And it cures my baby-fever. And I feel satisfied. So… I learned that I can surprise myself and succeed at new ventures that are daunting and HARD work, just like I could in my twenties.

 2) A continuation of #1. I have become a pretty decent housekeeper since making being home my full-time job. I’ve also become more in tune as a mother and wife. Both make me proud. Even though it also makes me regret not making this job more of a priority when I had the opportunity to be a real Stay at Home Mom and not so much a Work at Home Mom, I’m thankful for the opportunity to be having a second chance of sorts. I learned that viewing my responsibilities of caring for my husband, children and, in that my home, with the perspective that this is my job and part of what I was put on this earth to do, I feel extremely proud and fulfilled by doing just that. (So much better than laying around on the couch watching TV in a
food-induced coma of depression for days on end.) That might sound a bit June Cleverish for the modern woman, but… meh, I don’t care.

3) A particularly tough lesson that I’m in the middle of learning is that being a person that doesn’t conform to the popular opinion is so not the accepted persona in most circles. I’m a pretty independent thinker and certainly not a “go-with-the-flow” type of a gal. I’m learning this makes the average bear
a little on the uncomfortable side. Though I’ve known these things about myself for some time, I’ve recently been faced with the decision of whether or not I’m going to compromise qualities I’ve spent a number of years growing into or stick with who I am and chance not being the prom queen of society. I’m so pleased with myself that I’ve learned it’s okay to not always be the prom queen. Those taffita dresses are pretty uncomfortable and I hate wrist corsages anyway.

4) Wearing my heart on my sleeve is a sure-fire way to get it stomped on.
Nuff Said.

5) The last lesson is a very personal one and out of the ordinary for me to talk about in such an open and vulnerable forum, but I committed to review some of the lessons that are most prevelant in my thinking today, so here it
is. After years of avoiding testing this theory, these past few months I’ve learned that God really does wait for you to come to a place of knowing him- in your time and in your way. I love that after years of having a fortress of fear and hurt built around myself, if I quiet my soul and decide I want to let the tiniest of cracks be formed in those walls, someone will be there with a bit of love and peace just dying to seep through to my “heart” (or whatever.) There are so many people in this world that walk around with their big King James Bibles and pockets full of judgement and evangelism just willing and ready to lead the whole dang world to salvation, whatever that even means.
There are so few people that just love their neighbors and live life. Despite a superiorly impressive degree in Theology (insert sarcastic eye roll here,) I have learned that I am content in knowing absolutely nothing about  theology, and learning the tiniest bits of truth about love and peace  wherever the opportunity arises. I’m thankful I choose to have a faith that allows me to seek that in whatever way I desire. And even though it’s
probably a little taboo to say so, I’m really thankful for a god that allows me to love him in whatever small and pathetic way I know how. And I’m thankful as hell that he loves me back – despite how pathetic I am. So I learned that, and it feels pretty good.

Which brings me to this… my resolution or goal or whatever you want to call it for 2011. Some people poke fun at resolutions (not me, I would never
be so childish,) but I am actually a firm believer in putting into writing the things that matter most to me (shocker.)  So, here it is.

In 2011 I resolve to find a new level of peace in my person as a whole. In order to do that, there are some things that I need to do. This is the start of a working list which I’m sure I’ll tweak periodically.

I will make time for myself. (In order to exercise, have quiet time just for me, go out and have fun with my pals, whatever.)

I’ll not take things too seriously.  I’ll continue to remember not to wear my heart on my sleeve and not to let my feelings be hurt by the trivial.

I’ll continue to let my guard down so peace can find it’s way in.

{Thanks for taking a break from my usual improperly forward way of
doing things around here. This blog is me. While most of the time I’m a fun-loving, self-depreciating, sarcastic bitch; sometimes I’m a deep, thoughtful person. Not to worry, programming will return to its usual vodka induced
tom-foolery shortly.}

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2 thoughts on “life lessons of a lunatic

  1. For some reason I can’t reply to comments from my phone today- so Heather, this is for you.

    Thanks Heather. I was just cracking UP at your New Years Delusions post! You are hilarious.

    I also learned some totally fun lessons this year- like how watching strippers in seedy bars is totally overrated and requires gallons of hand sanitizer- but i digress.

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