an open letter to the most awesome people in the universe… because you love me.

I’m trying like hell not to start this post with

“OhMyGodYouGuys, I can’t believe I have fans!”  But I can’t.   So I did. 😉

I am so happy to get to know those of you who stick around once you find out you didn’t win the t-shirt.  I hope you’ll come and chat with me often.  I’m stuck in this house all day sucking snot out of stuffy noses, changing diapers and wiping poop off little butts.  For other people’s kids.  (Don’t get me wrong, I totally love it… uhhh… I think) but sometimes I just need to say SHIT without 14 little eyes looking up at me like I’m the devil.

You guys totally already went to the bottom to see who won.  Didn’t you?  Well if not, hurry up and go do it.  I know that’s all you’re thinking about.  But then come back and read this.   Because I’m needy.

Dude, can you believe it? Aren’t you totally happy for those girls?!?!  No?  You want to find their address and steal their stuff?  Well, lucky for you, I created a little store on and you can buy your very own very soon!  I did a little research and they really do have good quality stuff on their site!  I’ll let you know once the store opens so you can check it out.

Anywho, I really hope I get to you.   I hope you’ll comment on here often- even if it’s just to tell me how much it annoys you that I have no respect for the rules of grammar.  Aside from being a narcissistic attention whore, it actually kind of helps the writing process when readers chime in.  Imagine if you will, standing in front of 134 people and giving a little speech.  They just sit the whole time staring at you with blank faces and then at the end their mouths just fall open and a bit of drool oozes out of their mouths while they continue their catatonic state.  That’s how it feels when I see my blog had 354 views today and not one person even says, “Dude, you’re fucking crazy!  Go get a life!”  After a while the *crickets chirping* starts to quiet the creative juices.  Plus, I’m needy.

Okay, okay… I better tell the winners before I forget what I came here to do. Here’s how I chose the winners:

There’s a site called  You tell it to choose a number between 1 and in this case, 106 (the number of fans I had last night at midnight.)  It then generates a number and I used that number to choose you. You see, my page remembers the order that you joined the site and I just counted up that number of people from my first follower to get to you.  Then I had my kid double check my work because I suck at all things MATH.

I want to preface this by saying  I am absolutely positive it’s going to seem like I rigged this!  I mean, I already said I was going to so why wouldn’t you believe me?  BUT I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO!  (And, honestly, I really wouldn’t have.  Swearsies.)

Number 17 is Lauren Kasen.  HOLY CRAP!  YOU ROCK!!!

Number 64 is Jenn Kreitz.  AND I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO CHEAT! 😉
Girl, your friends sent you some serious vibes!

A special shout out to the diaper sewing divas who pimped me so hard I might have contracted herpes.  I love you ladies already!

Thanks to all of you, I have a new excitement about writing.  And my house is already falling apart because I haven’t done a stitch of housework since 4:27 yesterday afternoon.  No shit.  Better go get on that.


OH CRAP- I totally forgot to tell you winners: We’ll talk in a private chat about which shirt you want, size, etc.  There’ll be lots of options with zazzle!  Which reminds me of be-dazzle.


32 thoughts on “an open letter to the most awesome people in the universe… because you love me.

  1. You Rock Keli! Can’t wait for more to come. I’ve heard good things about Zazzle too, how fun! You’re very own clothing line 😉 You nailed it on the head with what it feels like to not have comments when you know people are reading. I think blog etiquette is still being learned 🙂

  2. Soooo funny! I guess that’s fair payment for her pimping your blog….

    On another note… I LOVE… they do my business cards for my cake biz!!!

    Girl, you have a knack for writing…. DON’T STOP!!!!!

    • Good to know Christa! I need some of your cake. My mouth was seriously watering when I was checking out your page. We need to talk!
      Thanks for the compliment. I can’t stop. It’s free therapy. And God knows I need therapy!

  3. No. Way. No freaking way. Nope, I don’t want to know. I really don’t. I’m just so freaking stoked. Remind me to send you a picture of me and my trainer with me in that shirt. She will laugh her ass off.

    You rock.

  4. I totally didn’t scroll down ahead of time, lol!
    You’re awesome Kel, totally stoked!
    I’ve ordered a few things from Zazzle (mouse pad is one) and not only is it really nice but it’s not pricey. Yay for that!
    Love you!

  5. Every time I hear or read bedazzle, it makes me think of vajazzle. My crazy ass girlfriend tried to get me to go do it.
    I shit you not.

    • Oh sweet baby Jesus. I’m not gonna lie- I googled vajazzle just to make sure it really was what I’ve always assumed. I didn’t want to go makin an ass out of myself here.
      All I can say,Cyn, is that you’ve opened a can of worms.

  6. So you realize that you just asked a whole bunch of stay at home moms to comment on your blog? This could lead to a *lot* of comments. Because I think most of us wipe little noses and butts, and make meals for people who would rather eat dirt or their own boogers. We’re looking for an escape. And someone who’s needy only for comments? That means I can ignore the state of the pit that is called my living room for 2 more minutes. Thanks.

    PS~ If you ever feel like posting about why you left Seattle and about life where you live now (I can’t believe it’s actually referred to as *** by people who live there, too!) that would be an entertaining set of posts, I’m guessing.

    • Oh Katie, I feel as though it’s my life’s work to give SAHMs an excuse to ignore their children and basic duties of their jobs in order to boost my ego.

      Awesome idea about posts! I’m sorry, I had to edit the nickname of my town because it’s pretty easy to track me down using that and the FBI witness protection program is a little on the touchy side about revealing my location.

      I hope you don’t mind my asking but who are you? You know an aaawwwful lot about me. It’s kinda creepin’ me out.

      • I actually just read back posts on your blog about moving out of Seattle and to ML (from a post on garbage collection).

        I’m friends with Julie D and that’s how I found your blog. I keep laughing as I read your back posts, though, because I’ve been to most of the places you mention (like Ephrata), and whenever we visited ML from Spokane when I was in high school, we called it Moses Hole. Don’t worry. I’m not a stalker. Well, maybe I am, but I wouldn’t be very secretive or tricky about it because I’d have 4 kids in tow wherever I went. And I live quite a few hours away from you.

      • Sorry. I just now realized that you edited the location out and then I wrote it again. That wasn’t intentional!

  7. Since I found you on DSD, does that mean I have herpes now too? I’m so totally adding this blog to my list of time wasters….um I mean productive nap time reading.

    • I can’t guarantee this, but I heard DSD started some medication that keeps the flare-ups at a minimum… so you might have made it here unscathed. I’ll cross my fingers for you!

      We’ll be wasting time together… me just sitting here wasting time. You, there wasting time. It’s a match made in hell.

  8. The divas might be taking over the world. And we might have decided to take you with us. Sorry, but we are catching. And it’s hard to escape once we suck you in!
    (of course it’s mainly because we rock).

  9. So you’re saying that thing I said about the herpes is true? Because I was just joking about that. I don’t have proper medication. Or underwear. Oh shit, I don’t even own underwear.

    I think it’s a bit comical because I am so not even remotely crunchy. I mean, I wish I was…I really do. But I kind of suck. I’m kind of as crunchy as three day old oatmeal. Are you sure I can still come along?

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