it’s like i have a condition

I can’t even tell you what a serious CF this week has been.  I’m not even sure where to start.

Monday, was pretty much just your run of the mill Monday (aside from being VD which means nothing to the impropers.)  It was full of craptasticness.  Mondays are Jazzercise days. (You guys are gonna get so sick of hearing about Jazz.)  So, I busted ass to get the last kiddo out the door and ran for the car.  On the way out Hubbs let me know the car was on FUMES and to stop  to grab some gas on the way TO Jazz.  SHITBALLS.  I was already running late.  Grrrr.

When I drove by the only gas station between here and Jazz I was in the wrong lane, realized I had even less money than I thought (like $1.72 in the ash tray,) no debit card, no nothing.  I couldn’t even show the guy my boobs because they were poured into my sports bra and we all now how hard it is to retrieve your boobs from your sports bra.  Plus, they are not just impressive enough to earn a gallon of gas anymore.  I had to just chance it.  My Jazz pal offered to get me some gas after Jazz.  Can I have a Jazz Hand Clap for her awesomeness?  So, after class we headed for the gas station and I ran out of gas about 100 feet away from the studio.  It was just a nightmare of idiotic situations, but she saved the day and I made it back home.  In time to deal with the kids’ bedtime.  Yahoo.

Tuesday was another sub-par day.  The kids are just little jerks lately.  They’re always fighting with one another.   My daycare babies are teething.  The older two are potty training.  The oldest three are having squabbles every five minutes and need a constant referee.   I was stressing all day because I hadn’t gotten that little email from the IRS telling me my return had been accepted so I had myself convinced I was being audited.  I decided I just needed to go sweat out some of my stress.  So, once again the best pal ever came to my rescue and picked me up for Jazz class.  After class we were walking out the door and somehow, I  sprained my wrist.  Who the hell sprains their wrist opening a damn door?  Oh! I know! ME!  Amazeballs.

Then yesterday (Wednesday) I was getting some supplies out of my stocked to the brim craft supply pantry and a basket of teensy tinsy little tid-bits fell from the top shelf and then somehow knocked every other basket off of every other shelf on its way down.   Basically, my craft supplies are still in a heap in the bottom of the supply pantry in my kitchen.  I may just throw it all away and start over.  I literally can’t even open the door without shedding a tear.

These three things? They are just a few of smaller things that have happened this week.  I could go on for hours.   But I won’t.    I know you’re already annoyed.   So am I.

I know this means nothing to you.  I know you have shit happen all the time and I’m not a special case.  But, seriously? I just don’t know if I can take much more this week.  I’m on the verge of freaking the fuck out.  I spilled the sugar bowl all over the counter today and I just sunk to the ground and started crying in the corner.   Three of the kids spilled their cereal at breakfast and I just let the dog hop up on top of the table and eat it off.

I changed five back-to-back poopy diapers in a 10 minute time period this morning.  I only have four kids in diapers.  That’s right… by the time I finished number four, number one had shit so far up his back it was in his hair.  Then? A half hour later when I realized I should not still be smelling poop, I realized I had it not only all up my arm- from sprained wrist to elbow, but it was also all over the back of my leg.  God only knows where I tracked it.  I still smell shit.

There’s only one explanation.  God hates me because I don’t always capitalize his… I mean  His… name when I write.
Great.   One more grammatical error I have to try to correct.

Shit.

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17 thoughts on “it’s like i have a condition

  1. LMAO! You’ve had a rough week and I’m sorry I don’t mean to laugh AT you… oh wait, well yes I guess I do actually; you wrote it so that means I get to laugh right? Or you just de-friended me 😦 I love ya. Just remember there’s glitter, rainbows, unicorns, and faery dust somewhere out there for you 😉 Oh just realized I signed in as my alter-ego, oh well, too lazy to change it.

  2. I love your alter ego. I just pimped it out because I’m so excited for potty nightmare posts. Those are the BEST. I hope all my new BFF’s share. 🙂

    You can laugh at me. It’s fine. Really. *Sniff* I’m totally used to it. Excuse me, I think I have something in my eye.

  3. I feel you. I was wandering Target yesterday doing some shopping that, I actually can’t afford because the IRS shorted our return almost 3000 dollars…. when they announced over the intercom I had a flat tire. Sigh. Oh and my son had a poo-splosion all the way down to his ankles today. We use cloth. That’s not supposed to happen. Ugh.

  4. Well we were supposed to get a little over 7 grand back. So in the grand scheme of things it’s not that big of a deal I suppose. Until my husband bought a $2,400 motorcycle. Grrr. My one splurge with our tax return was a new DSLR camera that my son yanked off the counter onto his head today. Then he stepped on our puppy that cried for the next 15 minutes. Did I mention I accidenly sat on said puppy when I was sitting down to change the poo-splosion earlier? It’s a grand day.

    It gets to the point where you just laugh and look for the vodka.

    At least it’s nap time. Oh and I had Taco Bell for lunch and got to wear a dress today because the weather’s nice. If only you lived in Florda! I would so be down for some coffee and crying haha.

  5. If you were anywhere near Ontario, we’d have coffee…or alcohol…or coffee and alcohol…and maybe I’d tell you I’d been there. Sad thing is, I expect to be there tomorrow too. Just remember, when your 4 year old wakes you up by saying “but mommy, he’s bleeding”…yeah it’s not a good thing (this was 11 years ago, but I still won’t let her live it down).

  6. WOW!! I started to shed a tear for you after reading this one (I have the gift of Mercy, so that happens to me). But really, don’t you just think, “ok, it cant get worse than this” just to find out that it can. I hope the rest of your week is getting better??

    • And now I have Madonna’s “don’t cry for me Argentina” song from Evita in my head.
      (so i guess I’m fine.) 🙂
      I get to have a girl’s bunco night tonight so you know I’ll be fine tomorrow (except for the hangover). Can’t wait! Stocked up on Gatorade last night. I’m a planner…

    • And I thought I had anger issues. 😉
      I LOVE the self-checker part. I am one of those idiotic people that can’t use the damn things. When in a hurry I always think- OH! I’ll got try the self-check. I only have THREE things. It’ll be fine.
      A few seconds later I gather my shit and head for express. I don’t even care how much longer it takes… it’s not worth my frustration. “Please place items in bag” 17 times when I’ve already put the farking crap in the bag 12 times to try to register just sends me straight to blood boiling status!

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