somebody better get joseph smith on this

If you’re a relatively new reader to my blog you may not know about the special neighborhood I live in. You can go back an read about it in my first few blog posts on this site. I would post links for you but I’m writing this from my phone and I don’t know how. And I’m too angry to figure it out.

This should break it down for you. We live in a suburban style development in a small town. On one side of me, there is a 24 year old couple that calls the cops on everyone in the neighborhood. They also spray my dog with RoundUp. She is known as batshit crazy Melinda. (I’ve given her a break lately because I found out she can’t have babies and takes foster children. She gets a free pass.) On the other side there is a lovely Hispanic family that let their kids steal, trash and destroy my son’s brand new bike without consequence.

There’s riffraff of every sort around here and I’m sure a few people on our block would say we’re the riffraff.

Today’s story is brought to you by the “sweet Mormon family” three doors down. They have a kindergartner that has been the on and off BFF of my son for the two years we’ve been here. He lies. He steals my boy’s toys. He tries to get the other kids not to play with my son and most recently, he told my son if he wanted to be in his secret club that all the other boys on the block are a part of he had to pull down his pants and stick his privates in a bucket of water- and then touch the penis of the kid’s giant dog. Of course my babe did it. He’s such a sucker! And also desperately wants to be in this kid’s world for some idiotic reason.

When I found out I let the mom know. I mean, I’d want to know if my shitbag son did something like that. I wasn’t mean. I played it off like “These boys! What will we do with them?!” She told me she was going to ground her son and to please ask mine not to come down asking him to play. I told her mine would also be grounded for his part and to let me know when hers would be able to play again. I mean for shit’s sake, we live a football field away from one another. I don’t love my son playing with hers but it’s a little inevitable.

That was around two weeks ago. On Thursday, that little Boy came into my yard for the third time asking other kids to stop playing with my boy and come play with him since JJ is BAD and he’s not allowed to play with him anymore. I told the little shit (whose mother did not have the decency to let me know this) that if that’s true he needs to stay out of my yard or stop talking about it. I. Was. Done.

Today I sent her a text during nap time (because it’s the easiest way and we’ve always communicated this way.) “Hey, I’ve heard from all the kids that ‘yours’ isn’t allowed to play with ‘mine’ anymore. Did ‘mine’ do something I’m not aware of that I need to talk to him about?”

Her reply was a bashing of my kid. Followed by a “and I’m tired of you constantly telling me what a bad kid ‘mine’ is.” The things she said were identical to some things mine came home crying about a while ago but I dismissed because I was being a stupid mom and not truly hearing what he had to say. A lightbulb went on and I realized I might have to knife a bitch. (that is a joke.)

I won’t go into the lovelies about it but I’ll tell you this, it’ll take Joseph Smith and all the fucking sister wives* to keep me from protecting my babies. I don’t give a shit who you are. If your rat bag kids and family can’t treat people with decency then you better stay away from mine. I will not stand for it.

*please know I am not as ignorant as I sound and know that this is not how all Mormonism works and I hope my angry talk can be forgiven.

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7 thoughts on “somebody better get joseph smith on this

  1. What a bitch! I am sure in her world her kids do no wrong! I would have thrown a dig to her about her creepy, pervy future PeeWee Herman wannabe son right into her face, also letting her know that the behavior her son displayed is MAJORLY frowned upon in the Mormon church- followed by a suggestion to get her kid some therapy for future sex addictions. Yes, I am a bitch!

    • We are NEVER allowed in the same room together. I’d fear for those around us. 🙂

      I am SO not one of those “my kid does no wrong” moms. In fact, I’m sure some of the things that woman said about my kid were true. But it was like “my kid didn’t do any of that because your kid is a liar” BS and it took all I had in me not to laugh in her ignorant fucking face.
      Oh boy. Better go take some blood pressure meds again. Woo baby.

  2. Notice she didn’t say she was sick of the things hers does. She’s sick of hearing about it. This is common to the species…Momo Sapiens as I refer to them. It doesn’t matter what’s REALLY going on…all that matters is what people PERCEIVE. So, by cutting you and yours out, she no longer has to face reality. She can slip into her Prozac induced sense of calm perfection about the world and get back to sorting the wheat in her food storage. Or canning. Or not performing for her emasculated husband. It’s all good.

      • Awww. Thanks. That’s because I’m just a little slice of awesome. And, you! Well, you’re like a buried treasure that I shall put in my virtual pocket and check back on often. And, yes. I. Am. Drunk. I know it’s only 3:15, but if you judge me, I’ll delete you. Probably not. But, I’ll threaten to.

      • Drunk at 3:15?? Wanna get married?
        And thanks for the compliment. I really enjoyed reading your blog and checking out your adventures. If I ever get rid of my ol’ ball and chain I’m seriously stalking and marrying you. Ok. Maybe I’m drunk too. Whatever.

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