zazzle this

I have been spending a little time trying to re-vamp the improper zazzle store so we can all go and buy t-shirts that my ridiculous mind creates.

(So far, I’ve sold two t-shirts.  Which is impressive since I’ve only created one t-shirt to date.)  I’ll actually let you know when there’s something on there worth looking at.  (Besides the “It takes a village… to get me into my sports bra” shirt because that one? IS FABULOUS!)  (If you’ve never read the hilarious post that inspired that one you really should go read it.  {If by hilarious I mean “like staring at a train wreck full of circus clowns,” that is.}

Anyway, while I’ve been on the site and perusing other stores I’ve noticed people create t-shirts (and other fantastic crap) for E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. (It seriously took me forever to type that just now.)  So, I’ve decided I’m going to create a t-shirt line for “important information passed on by my Arkansas Grammy.”

My Grammy was one of my favorite people in the world.  She practically raised me until I was eight.  My mom worked three jobs at one point in my life and my grandparents took care of me.  They were the most amazing people I’ve ever known and there’s rarely a day I don’t think of them and miss them.  I wish my kids could have known them.  I wish they could have gleaned the priceless wisdom my Grammy passed on to me.  Since they can’t, I shall make t-shirts in her honor to share with the world.  She would have been so proud!

Here’s a few from the top of my head.

  •  Most women poop on the table during childbirth.  You will be one of them.
  • Do not rub your eyes* after handling hot peppers.
    *and by eyes I mean vagina (she may or may not have said the vagina part.  It’s still true. Trust me.)
  • If it feels like your poop has thorns in it you probably have hemorrhoids. Unless you just ate thorns.
  • Bending over while putting your bra on is essential to holding up any boob over a b cup.
  • A nekkid man is not a pretty sight, but if you turn the lights off he can be fun.
  • You can use weenie sacks as zip-lock baggies  if you wash them out first. (I know you may not have been thinking of hot dog packages there at first, but I assure you that’s what she meant. I think.)  Now that’s recycling!

I’m sure there will be more.  Can you imagine?  It’ll be like walking PSA’s all over the country.  That is priceless information, you guys!  I can’t believe I haven’t produced these already and made my first million.  (I also can’t believe how many of them have to do with Poop.)

Happy “Back to Work after a Holiday Weekend” Day, everyone.  This is the kind of crap I share with you with a holiday hangover.


One thought on “zazzle this

  1. Put me down for 3-4 shirts with grandma’s words of wisdom. And I especially like the village/sports bra quote. Reading that post is next on my agenda. Love your musings, lady!

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