Remember how I’ve been blabbering on and on about how I’m going to start blogging seriously and mostly all the time and that I want lots of people to read my blog and make me feel super special about what a funny lady I am and how good I am at just uhhh… bitching? (That was soooo a run-on sentence. Every English major in America wants to kill me right now.) Well, I decided to take a baby step in that direction.
Last week a local blogger I like to read Mama Kat (from Mama’s Losin’ It) was hosting a little blogger workshop. It was a small gathering at an unconventional place and I figured it wouldn’t totally freak me out to go and meet some people and maybe learn some tricks of the trade. I decided to put on my big girl panties and be brave and meet people and be me. I know this will come as a surprise to you since I am usually so mouthy and confident and fabulous, but occasionally I have a wee bit of anxiety about being in a room full of strangers. Not the kind that requires Xanax but the kind that is usually best suited to Gray Goose. Alas, this was a morning gig so Gray Goose was probably not an option.
I put on a bra and some clothes that are generally outdoor acceptable and set out on my grand journey. I timed my arrival in the “three minutes till go time” time frame so there wouldn’t be a need for TOO much small talk. I peak at about 2 1/2 minutes. You feel me, right? I knew the gig was sponsored by Molen Orthodontics and that we’d be in their building. I also knew one of our little goodies for attending the workshop was a free whitening kit. Cool. What I didn’t think about was how this would, you know, affect me and my condition.
If you’ve read me for more than a week you probably know I have a wicked fear of all things dentistry. So when I drove into the parking lot of Molen Ortho and realized this little shin-dig was probably going to be smack in their main office and not at some giant medical facility with a super removed conference room (which I dreamed up in my fantasy world,) I had a moment. And then I remembered I had my big girl panties on and told myself to get over it. So I did. (OH MY GOD I’m really rambling here, aren’t I?!)
I walked in, made some small talk and was soon whisked away to the room where there were suspicious looking chairs and lights and tools that all looked very dentisty. I did not lose my shit. I stayed very mature and did. not. lose my shit. YAY ME! The cute little tech gave me a bib and put some gooky stuff on a tray and then… shoved it down my throat. To make a mold of my bottom teeth. It sat there for a while and then she pried it out of my mouth. And then she did it again for the top row. And I did not lose my shit. My mouth was full of all sorts of things I don’t want to talk about. I was having the biggest panic attack of my life inside and I held my shit together like the biggest shit holder togetherer you’ve ever freaking seen.
And then I went and sat through this workshop like the biggest grown-up you’ve ever seen. And I felt good! I learned some great info about the blog world. And I also learned some very important info about orthodontics and I need you to hear me here. This is very important.
Do not send your babes or go yourself to an orthodontist that uses head gear. This should be self-evident here, people, but just don’t. They are old school and will make your face look… not okay. Okay? (This may or may not be the abridged version of everything I know about orthodontics and it may or may not have come from Molen Orthodontics. I’m not a doctor and they didn’t tell me to say that so don’t even try to sue either one of us. That’s just lame.) If you have any questions you should just call Dr. Molen, because he’s nice and didn’t try to shove any tools down my throat.