this isn’t as boring as you might think it’s going to be. probably.

Remember how I’ve been blabbering on and on about how I’m going to start blogging seriously and mostly all the time and that I want lots of people to read my blog and make me feel super special about what a funny lady I am and how good I am at just uhhh… bitching?  (That was soooo a run-on sentence.  Every English major in America wants to kill me right now.)  Well, I decided to take a baby step in that direction.

Last week a local blogger I like to read Mama Kat (from Mama’s Losin’ It) was hosting a little blogger workshop.  It was a small gathering at an unconventional place and I figured it wouldn’t totally freak me out to go and meet some people and maybe learn some tricks of the trade.  I decided to put on my big girl panties and be brave and meet people and be me.  I know this will come as a surprise to you since I am usually so mouthy and confident and fabulous, but occasionally I have a wee bit of anxiety about being in a room full of strangers.  Not the kind that requires Xanax but the kind that is usually best suited to Gray Goose.  Alas, this was a morning gig so Gray Goose was probably not an option.

I put on a bra and some clothes that are generally outdoor acceptable and set out on my grand journey.  I timed my arrival in the “three minutes till go time” time frame so there wouldn’t be a need for TOO much small talk.  I peak at about 2 1/2 minutes.  You feel me, right?  I knew the gig was sponsored by Molen Orthodontics and that we’d be in their building.  I also knew one of our little goodies for attending the workshop was a free whitening kit.  Cool.  What I didn’t think about was how this would, you know, affect me and my condition.

If you’ve read me for more than a week you probably know I have a wicked fear of all things dentistry.  So when I drove into the parking lot of Molen Ortho and realized this little shin-dig was probably going to be smack in their main office and not at some giant medical facility with a super removed conference room (which I dreamed up in my fantasy world,) I had a moment.  And then I remembered I had my big girl panties on and told myself to get over it.  So I did.  (OH MY GOD I’m really rambling here, aren’t I?!)

I walked in, made some small talk and was soon whisked away to the room where there were suspicious looking chairs and lights and tools that all looked very dentisty.  I did not lose my shit.  I stayed very mature and did. not. lose my shit.  YAY ME!  The cute little tech gave me a bib and put some gooky stuff on a tray and then… shoved it down my throat.  To make a mold of my bottom teeth.  It sat there for a while and then she pried it out of my mouth.  And then she did it again for the top row.  And I did not lose my shit.  My mouth was full of all sorts of things I don’t want to talk about.  I was having the biggest panic attack of my life inside and I held my shit together like the biggest shit holder togetherer you’ve ever freaking seen.

And then I went and sat through this workshop like the biggest grown-up you’ve ever seen.  And I felt good!  I learned some great info about the blog world.  And I also learned some very important info about orthodontics and I need you to hear me here.  This is very important.

Do not send your babes or go yourself to an orthodontist that uses head gear.  This should be self-evident here, people, but just don’t.  They are old school and will make your face look… not okay.  Okay?  (This may or may not be the abridged version of everything I know about orthodontics and it may or may not have come from Molen Orthodontics. I’m not a doctor and they didn’t tell me to say that so don’t even try to sue either one of us.  That’s just lame.)  If you have any questions you should just call Dr. Molen, because he’s nice and didn’t try to shove any tools down my throat.


11 thoughts on “this isn’t as boring as you might think it’s going to be. probably.

  1. Seriously, don’t you just hate it when you go somewhere wearing your big panties and trying to be a grown up, and the host ends up shoving his tool down your throat? If I had a nickel for everyone one of my Saturday nights that went like that…

  2. You held things together so well I never would have guessed you had dental anxieties. I hope the bleaching trays were worth it. I learned a ton from all of you and I feel like I understand blogs and the people behind them a little better too.

  3. lol! hunnerwoof you are funny… kel, i’m still trying to figure out how a orthodontist office was hosting a blogging conference?! and would take an impression of your teeth??!! odd way to drum up business i have to say.

    • It was actually pretty brilliant, I think. He opened the doors to “mommybloggers” – those who are most likely in the market for braces for their children and also those who he probably knew would talk the most about visiting his office.
      Conferences give away swag and this one had a pretty sweet deal. (and that’s what the dental impressions were for- the whitening trays as part of the swag. And to hold in case I ever need to be identified by my dental records. Of course!)
      I’m not kidding when I say this (and i swear to the baby Jesus no one asked or paid me to) if the network of orthos covered by our insurance doesn’t cover the braces I learned about while just being in his office, i will take Elle to him and figure out a way to pay for it myself. And my (and the other bloggers if they do) saying that probably makes his effort to host a conference worth it.
      I would bet many cutting edge type companies start using a portion of their marketing budget to advertise in unconventional ways. They should. I’d support them. 😉

      This was a totally long response to your comment but I just wanted to tell you I think it was a savvy idea. But I’m just a girl who pees her pants in the dentist chair. 🙂

  4. I almost lost my shit when they did the top tray. Some of the goo got squished way back in my throat, and due to being pregnant, my gag-reflex is on overdrive. So we finally managed to be cool when they tipped me forward so all my drool dribbled down my front (onto the towels they assured me were plastic-lined, to protect my fabulous Mommy slob-chic wardrobe.) I SO wanted to cry for MY mommy! 🙂 Luckily I don’t have dental angst, so it was just a situational thing.
    Luckily I arrived a little after you-all, so you guys were all done and back in the lobby, so I got to suffer in private 🙂

    • I too had to sit up so I would stop gagging and also drenched myself in drool. And a crazy good time was had by all! 😉
      I’m just over on your blog right now looking at all your amazing meals for your babes and feeling like the biggest loser mom EVER. I feel like I’ve accomplished heroism when I put something more than a PBJ sammich in a zip-lock baggie. This mommy gig is hard work! 🙂

    • I was definitely a little more subdued. I have to save all of my personality for my blog- I’ve only got so much. 😉
      Actually, I was just still recovering from the gunk in my throat.
      It was really nice meeting you.

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