what? don’t all wives make their husbands train in high heels?

I hate to be the one to break it to you, folks, but the holiday season is upon us.    It’s beyond upon us.  It’s breathing down our freaking necks.  I know this because my ass is spreading exponentially.  Which has nothing to do with my neck.  But everything to do with holiday baking.

My son has been talking for about the past, ohhh I don’t know, three months about how he’s going to get a new XBox 360 from Santa (ours broke around the time he broke his leg and he’s all about getting a new Kinect.)  Now, I know most of you are rolling in oodles of cash in this stellar economy, but the Impropers are not.  I mean, we’re not eating out of soup cans, but we’re not living in the lap of luxury either.  The game system my son is convinced Santa is bringing is to the tune of $300.   That’s a little stiff for me considering we have other people to buy for as well.  So… I began to get creative.  Ebay and Craigslist and all sorts of searches have been going on around here.

Can I just tell you Ebay makes me break out into hives?  I feel like I’m rummaging through the city dump looking for an earring back.  With a blind fold on.  In the middle of a rain storm.  For me, it is the equivalent of an online yard sale.  I know TONS of people find great stuff both at yard sales and Ebay, but I get hives just thinking about it.

Anyway… I was freaking out as to how we are going to swing the Kinect hoopla as well as the rest of Christmas when I found the solution sent from the marketing gods.  Wal Freaking Mart is having the very bundle on sale for Black Friday for a third of the price (after all the specials and fireworks) and I am determined Jimmie will snag us one of the three that I’m sure the store will actually be offering.  I know Black Friday “limited quantity” items are mostly a sham.  I do not care.  I am confident in my hubby’s ability to do what has to be done.  But, I have instituted his training regiment just to insure his abilities.  It looks remarkably similar to the Target training regime.

Yes, I am making him train in heels.

You may be wondering, at this point, why Jimmie is training and I’m not.  The sale we are hitting starts at 10 pm on Thanksgiving.  I think that’s ridiculous, but you guys, we have to get a deal on this freaking thing.   I can’t very well leave the kids and family and everyone and miss Thanksgiving dinner, but, Jim can.  I mean, it’s not like he does much anyway.  He wasn’t so excited at first, but I broke it down for him like this:

1) Sit in the cold all day waiting for the doors to open.   You can bring the “hooded camping chair” to keep the wind and rain off.  You can bring a book, your iphone (which you spend half your life dinking around on anyway) and enjoy some peace and quiet rather than crazy family shenaniganz.
2) Wear your running shoes because there WILL be a foot race to electronics.   Don’t freaking disappoint me!
3) Engage in hand to hand combat with thirteen people in order to secure yourself one of the three items set aside for the sale price.
4) Pray to god you actually get the advertised deal so you can
5) Give your child the gift he is dying for without having to sell a vital organ to afford it.

It’s totally simple and I KNOW you can DO this!

So, he’s kind of excited to go and brave the Seattle elements (read: rain) and beat down any and all freaking competition that tries to get to the electronics department before he does.  I’m sure I will show up sometime just before the sale.  I actually run a little faster than he does, so I’m counting on my lioness prowess to get us the upper hand.

I don’t know you guys, I’ve never actually gone Black Friday shopping.  I get a little stressed by crowds.   I will most definitely pack the thermos full of vodka tonics with a splash of Triple Sec.  So… someone else will have to drive us home.

Cross your fingers and pray to the retail gods.  I WANT THAT FREAKING KINECT!

What about you guys? Are you Black Friday bargain shopping?  Are you totally incensed at the retailers for cutting their employee’s holiday short?  Normally, I think I would be, but desperate times and all that…



I thought you’d like to see the adorable response to this post that Jimmie sent via text.  He’s just so cute.



8 thoughts on “what? don’t all wives make their husbands train in high heels?

    • You can break any kind of etiquette you want over here. 🙂
      Thanks for the warning! I actually read this a few weeks ago around when I originally started looking into buying on eBay. And then I decided eBay is as evil as I always suspected. 😉
      So…crossing fingers we get one of those damn door buster deals. Or it’s full price for this sucker.

  1. I feel the same way about Amazon as you do about eBay (and I never touch eBay either). I get overwhelmed with all the options. Do I buy it new or used? From Amazon or a marketplace seller? Do I also buy all the “people who bought this piece of crap also bought these pieces of crap” pieces of crap? Do I sign up for Prime to get the free shipping? What if I forget to cancel it in the trial period and they charge me $80? ARGHHHH!

    And to answer your question…there is no piece of Chinese made plastic crap that will ever convince me to spend hours waiting with a bunch of tards in line at a store instead of enjoying delicious turkey and pie in the warmth of my own home. All of my Xmas gifts are purchased locally from small businesses, and those rarely do Black Thursday/Friday sales. I realize with children you’re sort of backed into a corner. Because kids only want pieces of Chinese made plastic crap. Yet another reason why I shall never spawn.

  2. Yes! to all of this.
    And someday, when my kids finally admit that they know there is no Santa and have just been using it to manipulate me to buy them crap they know I wouldn’t have had they not played the Santa card, I will be free.
    Last year Elle asked Santa for a laptop. And when we told her we would tell Santa no, she was not old enough, she had attitude. I then told my 7 year old there was no santa and I was still saying no.
    So she wrote him a letter as a school project asking if he was real. Her teacher replied and said of course he was real, what would she like for Christmas. I almost lost my shit over that one.
    There was NO laptop, but she is still playing that Santa card. Damn it.
    Whew, guess I needed to get that out.

    It’s probably better you’re not having spawn. At some point, they all show they are the spawn of the devil and not actually our loins at all.

  3. Black Friday has always been a huge tradition in my family. This year will be the first time that I won’t be going 😦 I have not heard about any deals yet but I am sure there will be some gret deals on electronics. Electronics seem to be the only real “deal” for early birds. The other sales go all day. I may try online shopping this year!?

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