i swear it wasn’t me that was pepper spraying people at walmart. but if i would have thought of it, i might have.

You may remember a couple of weeks ago when I decided to kick off the holiday season by sending my hubs Black Friday Shopping.

If you haven’t read that post you should just click on over and read it.  I’ll wait while you get caught up.

So yes, we really want that XBox Kinect for the kids for Christmas.  So much so that I planned all of Thanksgiving around Jimmie being able to go and sit in line.  Just like most young families, we split the holidays between two families.  They are on opposite ends of the Seattle Metro area, so about an hour apart.  We left family number one’s get together which is way south in time to drive all the way north for family number two’s.  Jimmie dropped us off and proceeded to the Walmart that was close to their place for a little recon work.  There wasn’t yet a line and he had his bearings and what needed to be done so he returned for dinner.  I want you to know, if there had already been people in line he would have missed dinner for this.  That’s how serious we were about being one of the few that would get this damn doorbuster.  That’s how scared he is of me when I tell him to do something.  Because I’m that crazy.

So after dinner he went back to WallyWorld armed with a camping chair, a book,and a fully charged iPhone and Blackberry.  It was 5:30 and the sale started at 10:00.

He promised all of us a play by play of the night’s events via facebook.  Here’s how things went before I showed up:

“In line and the 15th person.  Hope I don’t stand here for no reason!”

Line in front of me.


Line behind me.

Pretty ladies in line next to me.

Clearly the man was losing it early on.  Here’s a few more status updates:

“It’s getting good.  Walmart employees are telling all the people that cracked into the specials early to return them.  One of the employees                         looks just like Fire Marshall Bill.”  Yikes!

“I think I will crack open a twelver, buy a Styrofoam cooler and some ice, but then I might pass out and miss all the fun.  Maybe I can just                                 ‘borrow’ it all.”

“Can I just say that its not a good idea to sit in a camping chair on the end cap while every person walks by. Not the best view or smell.”

“People are cutting and I have a lady behind me that’s going to go nuts! Video to come.” (no video ever came, but apparently the lady did confront quite a few people and it resulted in… less than a fist fight. loser.)

Okay, enough of that.  Here’s how it went down.  Jimmie stood/sat in line from 5:30 to 8:30.  He was right in the middle of a major throughway of the store, just sitting there in his camping chair watching the freak show play out.  While he may have had to sit at butt level and see/smell a lot of turkey fueled asses wander by, at least he wasn’t sitting out in the freezing rain!  The store was mostly empty except for others waiting in line so it really wasn’t that big of a deal.

Meanwhile, I was home washing about two hours worth of holiday dishes.  Then I put the kids to bed and promptly made myself the most delicious vodka tonic in a “to go cup” and hit the road with my Sister-In-Law to join in on the fun.  Just as we were arriving, the store handed out tickets to those who had been standing in line and said to return at ten to claim your XBox.  It also must have been the same time that every single person in town decided to come to Walmart, because that store got Ca-Ray-Zay.

Me with the golden ticket.

WE DID IT! (uhhh, I mean, HE DID IT!)  We wandered around for a while and then returned to line up for the best Christmas gift ever (which is what my kids better say on Christmas morning or their dad is going to kill me.)  We had to stand in that line for about an hour.  I instantly made friends with the women in front of me when I announced this needed to end soon because I was sweating like a whore in church and needed another drink. Listen, I didn’t think I needed to pretend to be classy in Walmart.  I was in good company.  We pretty much reeked of Klass.

Once we got the magical box of fun, we then had to stand in line for another hour and a half to pay for the freaking thing.  Even though we had sent the SIL to stake out a place in line long before that, the line moved so slow and the people were such colossal idiots it really didn’t matter.  This night was destined to be a CF of the greatest magnitude ever from the get go.  We were at Walmart for crying out loud.

The only thing that would have made it better is if this would have been a flash mob.

But, we made out with the best doorbuster of the season (says me) and our kids are going to love it!  I hate Black Friday.  I hope to GOD we never have to do that again.  But, I’m pretty darn proud of our purchase.  And I was very thankful to have a hubby that would endure such a shit show so we could give our kids a cool present without having to sell off any vital organs.

Jimmie’s last status update regarding Black Friday.  “Watching people fight over XBox games, Legos, TV’s and computers.  I can’t believe there is that that much desperation out there. What I really can’t believe is that people are that greedy. I don’t think I will ever do it again. I feel dirty.”

That may be.  Tis the season, I suppose.  On the way home he also said that “tonight is saving Christmas.”  Which was pretty cute coming from the guy who hated Christmas when we first got married.



One thought on “i swear it wasn’t me that was pepper spraying people at walmart. but if i would have thought of it, i might have.

  1. Pingback: the quest | hunnerwoof

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