It’s a pretty sad state of affairs if one should be warned that they will die if they jump from a bridge.
I’m not in a jumping from a high bridge state of being, but I’ve been in a funk for so long I’m not sure I remember not being in one. I’m not one for loving transition, but this last one just took it out of me. Seriously.
I’m sure you remember that we moved this past summer. At the time we were so jacked about moving the kids to the land of opportunity (better schools for the long term) and Jimmie having a better job without a whack-job boss and hopefully lots more money, as well as being close to family that I just didn’t process all of the down sides to things. I think it’s really been hitting me lately.
I am so grateful for the kids new school situation. It really is the thing that is turning out to be as great as we hoped. I know this would have been a tough year had we still been in the area we were. But as great as the job is, the money really isn’t a lot better yet. And as great as it is to be close to family, it has it’s down sides too. And well, if I’m truly honest with myself, I just miss the hell out of my friends.
I am not a happy person right now. I know I’m not because Jim asks me how I’m doing about 42 times a day. That pretty much means I’m probably being assy and a downer and he isn’t sure what to do about it except make me admit it. I usually just say I’m fine but I think that answer is running a little thin.
So, as I’ve been trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me, I have decided I’m missing out on my girl time. We may have been far from our family and people we’d known for most of our adult lives, but our previous home was full of friends and love. I think all of us are really missing them because the kids spent about a half an hour today reminiscing about the funny things they remember doing with some of our close family friends. They aren’t really the kind of kids that sit around and talk about those kinds of things without a reason.
Have you even been in a place in your life where the friendships were almost effortless? I think these relationships are few and far between. When we first moved to a tiny town called Moses Lake I was not excited about it. I’m a city girl and I always have been. People joked that “the Hole” would suck me in and I’d never want to leave. I guess they were more right than I even knew.
There’s something about living life simply and without the fast paced, traffic congested craziness always surrounding you. There was also something wonderful about it just being us- our little family of four- in our own space, figuring out life in our own way. I love the kids being close to family, but I really loved the distance too.
I miss monthly Bunco and spur of the minute Girl’s Nights. I miss meeting our friends for Thursday night bar food at the local bowling alley and softball games in the freezing wind. I miss football parties and Christmas get-togethers where someone ends up curling up under the tree for a nap. I miss barbecues and sitting out on the lake until dark because no one wants to think about cooking or cleaning the sand off of the kids (and beer and potato chips make a fine dinner anyway.) I miss friends that invite themselves over for dinner and bring KFC for the whole family. I guess, I just miss people that aren’t so wrapped up in their own stuff that it makes it impossible to make time for someone else. And I miss being one of those people.
It’s possible that our next door neighbors could become those people to us, if I had it in me to put out the effort. I guess it’s time to quit moping around and get my shit together. Whether I like it or not, this is our home now and if I want to have some good, meaningful fun I will probably have to be the one to initiate it. Doesn’t mean I have to like it, though. Doesn’t mean I even know where to start either. Crap.