I’m sorry in advance for whatever it is you are about to read. I’m having a moment.
I have been rambling senselessly on facebook for the better part of 45 minutes, and just realized I better knock it off before all my friends get together and stage an intervention. For my sanity. I have most certainly lost my marbles today. It started with my sister posting about losing weight (bitch) and me taking off on the hugest rabbit trail you’ve ever seen somehow ending with me doing whole scenes of What About Bob in the comments. It ended with me talking about how neither Bono or the Gays can live with or without the one they love and that I think this is a conspiracy of the worst magnitude and somehow P.Bam’s fault because his speech on the matter was just cray-cray. (P.Bam is President Obama. Did I make that up or has it already been done? I don’t know but I LIKE it. If I were president I’d want a sweet-ass name like that.)
Do you see what’s going on here? I have lost it. I think I’m in the middle of a manic episode. I blame it on my kids and my husband. Who else would be to blame? Jordan is sick again and it’s probably pertussis. We are at defcon 5 epidemic status on the whooping cough here in the great state of Washington. I refused to immunize Jordan until he was five. I don’t know why I picked that age, I guess because I wanted to. And the schools pressured me what with their “out of compliance,” “can’t enter school” jargon and I got scared. So…now he is not fully vaccinated in the midst of a damn outbreak and has all the symptoms. Until I get into the doc at 4:45 today I will probably be a wreck. Even though I’m 99% sure he doesn’t have it. He is still sick and needy and clingy and NOT SLEEPING. So therefore I am not sleeping. And cray-cray.
I would like to take this moment to tell you about my newest hip-hop inspired terminology. At any point during the day you can bet I am going to bust out in a “that shit cray” a la Kanye/Jay-Z. The kids are immune to it. Elle just rolls her eyes. I try to keep it to a “oh girl, you cray-cray” but sometimes I have to stick to the original. Why is it the hip-hoppers have the catchiest tunes that get stuck in my head and really apply to everything I need to say? I can’t be blamed if my kids get suspended for telling their teachers “that shit’s cray” when they get a 84% on their spelling test and they know they are A+ students, can I? Because…well, that might very well happen someday soon. Elle is actually already planning it. I might need to reign this in.
I have tortured you long enough. Where’s Leo? I need some meds. Dr Marvin? Doooooooctor Leeeeeeooooooo Maaarrrrrvin?
Crap. I’ve come full-circle.
Send sleep and good thoughts for my child, if you please.